im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
