She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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