I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
