Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team