belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.