Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void