i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.