worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr