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Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Randomize
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