I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
