It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
