Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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