you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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