Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
