at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
