I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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