I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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