He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
