If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i believe in u and ur pee
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
