They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
