If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
