Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize