She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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