I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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