i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
