Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
