You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
