I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
