He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.