mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me