i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
