This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...