don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize