whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
bring money and cleavage
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
