Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts

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  (248): I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts http://tfl.nu/hn1f
  Replies (7) Good night (2774) Bad night (707)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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  (516): I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume http://tfl.nu/0r2u
  Replies (47) Good night (2122) Bad night (4507)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.

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  (630): dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead. http://tfl.nu/dy9t
  Replies (23) Good night (4677) Bad night (1459)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.

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  (330): All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game. http://tfl.nu/3l6w
  Replies (9) Good night (4955) Bad night (926)
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  (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

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  (925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw
  Replies (17) Good night (4500) Bad night (1028)
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  (845): View more from New York

  her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.

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  (845): her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together. http://tfl.nu/creu
  Replies (5) Good night (1349) Bad night (3557)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.

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  (903): I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/07kh
  Replies (7) Good night (1234) Bad night (3408)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

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  (765): just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters http://tfl.nu/51nh
  Replies (8) Good night (2988) Bad night (2212)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.

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  (215): Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes. http://tfl.nu/s26z
  Replies (8) Good night (1942) Bad night (1605)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.

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  (973): But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing. http://tfl.nu/ee1i
  Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (490)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?

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  (719): What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running? http://tfl.nu/08bt
  Replies (3) Good night (1341) Bad night (490)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.

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  (651): His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve. http://tfl.nu/5nws
  Replies (5) Good night (782) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.

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  (678): I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor. http://tfl.nu/habo
  Replies (2) Good night (496) Bad night (931)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway

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  (803): Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway http://tfl.nu/xe68
  Replies (6) Good night (869) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.

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  (570): If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit. (1-570): As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/hlm9
  Replies (4) Good night (1283) Bad night (448)

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