Ambien. No doubt about it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will pee on everything he values.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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