If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
