I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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