that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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