he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
