She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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