sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
