perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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