I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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