I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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