he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
