My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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