Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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