someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want nice things and good sex
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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