I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
