no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
