"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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