so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize