upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
