at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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