these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
