I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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