my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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