I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
