I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize