the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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