I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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