Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
