My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I could make wine with my vomit
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
