My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Enjoy the penises
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
