We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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