Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize