Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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