FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't deserve a penis
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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