My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
