dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
