ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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