on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
