ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
