I think I died a long time ago.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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