: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
