tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Holy shit dude........stairs
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