a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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