i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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